March Badness: Monster Madness

Some of them go bump in the night.  Some don't make a sound.  Others destroy cities.  But all the best monsters have a few things in common: the first time you see them, you get goosebumps.  You want to look away, but you can't.  Of course, you're rooting for the good guys to win (you are, right?) but you still can't help but enjoy when a superbly evil creature goes on a rampage.  This is March Badness: Monster Madness.

Last year was just the beginning.  The Joker was crowned the "Ultimate Baddie" in an epic tournament of villains.  This year, it's all about the monsters.  Whether alien, supernatural, man-made, or a freak of nature, I'm looking for the best of the beasts: the ugliest, meanest, most monstrous monstrosity.

The structure is the same as last year.  I have compiled a list of 64 monsters from film, literature, and television, and randomly seeded them in a single-elimination tourney for the ages.  I will select winners of each round, which will correspond (more or less) with the timing of the NCAA tournament.  This is all subjective, of course, so I welcome you to join in the fun and fill out your own bracket along with me.  I just ask that if you do share or comment, please be mindful of spoilers.  With that out of the way, let the badness begin!

The Contenders

Bioraptors (Pitch Black)

You're safe in the daylight.  But as soon as the lights go out, you better watch out.  These things are ugly and even meaner than they look.

Leonard Betts (The X-Files)

The first of several X-Files monsters on this list.  Betts appears to be a normal person until he gets decapitated and his headless body starts killing...

Pale Man (Pan's Labyrinth)

A thing of pure nightmares.  Even though he only has a few minutes of screen time, his ghastly image haunts you well after the movie ends.

The Hydra (Hercules)

When one head just isn't enough.

Stripe (Gremlins)

How could something that started off so cute and cuddly end up being so mean and ugly?

Terror Dogs (Ghostbusters)

Zuul and Vinz Clortho.  Gatekeeper and Keymaster.  Yikes and yikes.

Rodan (Rodan)

Like Godzilla, but with wings.

Pinhead (Hellraiser)

The name says it all. He's got pins in his head. That's messed up, am I right?

The birds (The Birds)

How much harm could one or two (or a thousand) little ol' birds do?

Fluffy (Harry Potter)

Hagrid has a tendency of collecting extremely dangerous animals as pets.  Fluffy, a giant, three-headed dog, is no exception.

Monstro (Pinocchio)

"He's a whale of a whale!"

The Basilisk (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

Don't look directly into this giant serpent's eyes, else you be killed instantly.

Eugene Victor Tooms (The X-Files)

Tooms is a mutant who can stretch and elongate himself to fit through tight passages.  He uses this ability in order to kill people and eat their livers.  And to creep us the hell out.

Velociraptors (Jurassic Park)

Vicious and intelligent.  The tyrannosaurus may get more publicity, but the raptors are the true evil of the park.

Mothra (Mothra)

It's a giant moth.  Do with that what you will.

Mr Hyde (Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde)

You think you know a guy, then he transforms into a madman and kills you.

Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors)

"Feed me, boy! Feed me now!"

Clover (Cloverfield)

The unknown can be scary, as the monster from Cloverfield proved.  We don't get a good look at the menace terrorizing New York until late in the movie.

The Crawlers (The Descent)

When Spelunking goes oh-so-wrong.

The Thing (The Thing)

How do you fight something that can look like anything?

T-Rex (Jurassic Park)

Big, loud, and very hungry.

Aragog (Harry Potter)

Another one of Hagrid's pets. Aragog is a giant spider. Need I say more?

Frankenstein's monster (Frankenstein)

A true classic.  Although really, I think he's just misunderstood.

Werewolves (The Wolf Man, The Werewolf, An American Werewolf in London)

Another classic supernatural being.  There are many different versions, but the key takeaways are the same.  Avoid full moons.  And always keep some silver bullets on hand just in case.

Sharptooth (The Land Before Time)

A Tyrannosaurus out for vengeance.

Chernabog (Fantasia)

This demon is the god of evil and death.

Pennywise (It)

A killer clown that lives in the sewers and comes up to hunt children.  No, thank you.

The Predator (Predator)

This alien travels the galaxy hunting species of other worlds for sport.  He also has some really cool gadgets and will blow himself up, if it comes to it.

The Balrog (Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)

This creature can wield shadow and flame, and looks pretty awesome doing it.

Gmork (The Neverending story)

This giant wolf serves the Nothing and will do anything to kill the film's protagonist, Atreyu.

Christine (Christine)

A 1958 Plymouth Fury that comes alive and kills people.  Because why not?

Gamera (Gamera)

It's a giant turtle that can fly and shoot flames out of its arm and leg cavities.  That pretty much sums it up.

Aquatic alien (The Faculty)

The most terrifying part about the aliens from The Faculty is their ability to crawl inside someone's head and control them.

The Kraken (Clash of the Titans)

"Release the Kraken!"  That never gets old.

Flukeman (The X-Files)

Flukeman is a genetically mutated beast that inhabits the sewers and is generally horrifying.

The Blob (The Blob)

This alien life-form digests organic material on contact, growing bigger with everything (and everyone) it devours.

The Sandworms (Beetlejuice)

"Whoa, Sandworms. Ya hate 'em right? I HATE 'EM MYSELF!"

The Bugs (Starship Troopers)

"The only good Bug is a dead Bug!"

The Sarlacc (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)

"In its belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years."

Cesare (The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari)

Cesare is the monster of one of the very first horror films ever made, so he has to be here.  Though you could argue that Caligari is the true "monster" as he controls Cesare and instructs him to kill.

Giant crocodile (Lake Placid)

Want to come face to face with a crocodile? No?  How about a 30 ft long crocodile?

Graboids (Tremors)

These giant, carnivorous worms hunt by sensing seismic vibrations.  So, tread lightly, OK?

Ghosts (misc.)

There are too many different variations on evil spirits to put them all in the tournament, so they hold one collective spot here.

The Nothing (The Neverending story)

It's literally nothing, and will cause all life and existence to cease if it wins.  What's scarier than that?

The Headless Horseman (The Legend of Sleepy Hollow)

No head? No problem.

King Kong (King Kong)

A giant ape with a soft spot for a pretty face.

Gill-man (The Creature from the Black Lagoon)

Another monster with a thing for human chicks.  But dating is tough when you look like Gill-man.

The Brundlefly (The Fly)

"Help me! Help me!"

Imhotep (The Mummy)

One simple spell and he can stop your heart.

The Rancor (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)

What kind of pet do you have when you're a giant slug?  A Rancor.  The answer is Rancor.

Orcs (Lord of the Rings)

Armies of these creatures stand between the heroes of Middle-earth and victory.  I think I would have just given up.

The Blair Witch (The Blair Witch Project)

You never really see the Blair Witch, but it doesn't make her any less terrifying.

The Xenomorph (Alien)

Where do I start?  The second mouth?  The acid blood?  The "birthing" process?

Zombies (Misc.)

Slow-moving, frail, and unintelligent.  Weak monster, right? Remember that when there's a horde of undead closing in and you've just run out of ammo...

Giant anaconda (Anaconda)

I didn't say these are all from good movies, just that they're terrifyingly awesome monsters, ok?

The Crites (Critters)

They're basically little, demonic furballs.

Giant sharks (Deep Blue Sea)

It's amazing how many of these are just normal animals, but super-sized.

Rhedosaurus (The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms)

Before Godzilla, there was the Rhedosaurus.

The Silence (Doctor Who)

Creepy alien dudes in suits.  At least they're trying?

Hybrid spiders (Arachnophobia)

What happens when you breed a deadly Amazonian spider with a domestic house spider?  You don't want to know - trust me.

Jaws (Jaws)

*cue Jaws music*

Cujo (Cujo)

A rabid dog, on the loose, and out for blood.

Godzilla (Godzilla)

The original city-destroying monster.

Reavers (Firefly)

Protocol dictates that you shoot anyone being captured by Reavers, to save them from unspeakable horrors.  And then you run. Run far away.

The Bracket

Download here (I suggest using landscape orientation if you wish to print a hard copy).