March Badness - Sour 16

March Badness is starting to heat up.  Who will survive the Sour 16 and advance to the next round?

Previous rounds:
Explanation / List of contenders
Round 1
Round 2

President Snow (The Hunger Games) vs Agent Smith (The Matrix)

Snow's questionable political tactics (poisoning his enemies) and deceptive propaganda puts him in a tier above Agent Smith.

Winner: President Snow

Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars) vs Loki (Thor, The Avengers)

The Emperor made Darth Vader.  Even though Vader lost to the Joker last round, he's still a top-notch villain.  Palpatine's conversion of a troubled young Jedi into a legendary Sith lord is enough to propel him past Loki.

Winner: Emperor Palpatine

John Doe (Se7en) vs Samara Morgan (The Ring)

Is it worse to be evil for no apparent reason (Samara) or to be evil and believe you're actually doing good (John Doe)?  I think in this case Doe's distorted world views and overall personality give him a slight edge, particularly during the movie's climax. "Become vengeance, David.  Become wrath."

Winner: John Doe

The Joker (Batman, The Dark Knight) vs Buffalo Bill (The Silence of the Lambs)

Both of these villains are twisted, psychopathic killers.  But it's the Joker's pure enjoyment over murder and chaos that sets him apart in this one.  "How about a magic trick?"

Winner: The Joker

Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon) vs Scar (The Lion King)

Scar murdered Mufasa in order to become a tyrant.  Hannibal killed and ate countless individuals, just because.  Mr. Lecter is clearly the badder of these two baddies.

Winner: Hannibal Lecter

Pazuzu (The Exorcist) vs *SPOILER ALERT*Amy Dunne (Gone Girl)

Maybe it's just the recency of Gone Girl, but I just don't know if *SPOILER ALERT*Amy has the kind of staying power to be a truly legendary villain.  Only time will tell.  The demon from The Exorcist has already proven his status as an iconic bad guy with incredible moments like this one. *WARNING: CONTAINS STRONGLY OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND GRAPHIC/DISTURBING IMAGES*

Winner: Pazuzu

*SPOILER ALERT*HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey) vs Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)

These two villains don't have much in common, other than their timelessness. But when it comes down to it... *SPOILER ALERT*But when it comes down to it, HAL was just a machine that happened to start malfunctioning in very unfortunate ways (see: trying to kill the crew).  Potter, on the other hand, is 100% self-serving and despicable.

Winner: Mr. Potter

Joffrey Baratheon (Game of Thrones) vs The Governor (The Walking Dead)

Both are easy to hate, but in reality Joffrey is just a spoiled little brat who inherits his power.  The Governor takes what he wants, when he wants.  And if things don't go his way, look out.  When he gets angry, he kills people... Even his own.

Winner: The Governor

The Bracket

At the conclusion of the Sour 16, here's the bracket:

* - denotes a villain's name that was removed to avoid spoilers.  To see the real name, find the matching entry in the list of match-ups above and click the *SPOILER ALERT* link (only if you've already read or seen the book/movie/show or don't mind spoilers)

March Badness - Round 2

Round 2 is over!  Who is heinous enough to move on to the next round?

President Snow (The Hunger Games) vs Morgoth (The Silmarillion)

Two evil rulers face off, but only one can move on.  The twisted nature of the hunger games (exploiting child violence for entertainment purposes) is the difference-maker here.

Winner: President Snow

Bill Sikes (Oliver Twist) vs Agent Smith (The Matrix)

Agent Smith may be just a computer program, but somehow he transcends the usual limitations of AI villains.  Sikes is bad, but Smith is evil.

Winner: Agent Smith

Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars) vs *SPOILER ALERT*Jack Torrance (The Shining)

We see both of these characters go through a transformation, as they succumb to evil.  But the scope of Palpatine's galactic conquest trumps "The Shinning" villain's insanity.

Winner: Emperor Palpatine

Loki (Thor, The Avengers) vs Biff Tannen (Back to the Future)

Similar to the previous match-up, this one features two villains operating on two very different levels.  Biff is a creep and a nuisance, but Loki threatens the very existence of humanity.

Winner: Loki

John Doe (Se7en) vs Nurse Ratched (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)

John Doe is a deranged man with a frighteningly strong conviction that he is doing God's work by murdering innocent people.  Nurse Ratched did some terrible things but she doesn't compare to the serial killer from "Se7en".

Winner: John Doe

Hans Gruber (Die Hard) vs Samara Morgan (The Ring)

Both are killers.  But for the second straight round, Samara's lack of motivation gives her an edge.  Gruber is cruel, but his motives are clear: greed drives him.  Samara is just pure evil.

Winner: Samara Morgan

The Joker (Batman, The Dark Knight) vs Darth Vader (Star Wars)

It's a crime that one of these villains won't make it past round 2, but that's the reality.  Both are legendary bad guys with immensely strong presences.  But when it comes down to it there was enough good still in Vader to have a change of heart in the end.  The Joker, on the other hand, is beyond redemption.

Winner: The Joker

Buffalo Bill (The Silence of the Lambs) vs Jafar (Aladdin)

Kidnap and murder put Buffalo Bill in another league.  Not to mention, he's just so creepy. "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

Winner: Buffalo Bill

Ursula (The Little Mermaid) vs Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon)

As if the cannibalism aspect wasn't enough, Hannibal holds a certain power that captivates audiences.  You can't help but get chills when he speaks the name "Clarice".

Winner: Hannibal Lecter

Scar (The Lion King) vs The White Witch (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)

In the end, it came down to Scar's trickery.  He blames everything on Simba, and only reveals the truth of his most despicable deed when he thinks he's won (and seems to take a great deal of pleasure in it).

Winner: Scar

Jigsaw (Saw) vs Pazuzu (The Exorcist)

It's Pazuzu's pleasure in evil that puts this one away for the horrid demon.  Like the scene with the cross?  Wow.  Jigsaw is twisted but Pazuzu just goes one step further.

Winner: Pazuzu

*SPOILER ALERT*Amy Dunne (Gone Girl) vs Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter)

Umbridge does some awful things, but ultimately she's doing someone else's bidding.  The villain of "Gone Girl" is working independently, and is the mastermind behind it all.

Winner: "Gone Girl" villain

*SPOILER ALERT*HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey) vs T-1000 (Terminator 2)

The video says it all.  *WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS*

Winner: "2001: A Space Odyssey" villain

Petyr Baelish / Littlefinger (Game of Thrones) vs Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)

Potter's blatant cruelty and insatiable greed at the expense of others give him a leg up in this round.

Winner: Mr. Potter

Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians) vs Joffrey Baratheon (Game of Thrones)

As much as I hate Cruella De Vil, I hate Joffrey more.

Winner: Joffrey Baratheon

The Governor (The Walking Dead) vs The Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)

The Wicked Witch is a classic baddie but the Governor has style.  His ruthlessness is what gets him the nod in round 2, though.

Winner: The Governor

The Bracket

After two rounds, the updated bracket looks like this:

* - denotes a villain's name that was removed to avoid spoilers.  To see the real name, find the matching entry in the list of match-ups above and click the *SPOILER ALERT* link (only if you've already read or seen the book/movie/show or don't mind spoilers)

March Badness - Round 1

The first-round results are in!  Let's see who made it past the initial test.

President Snow (The Hunger Games) vs Gollum (The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings)

An argument could be made that Gollum did not start off evil, but was transformed (from Smeagol) into something ghastly, by the power of the ring.  We even see glimpses of his former self come through occasionally.  While Snow, on the other hand, really chose his path because of his lust for power, and commits heinous acts against humanity having full knowledge of what he's doing.

Winner: President Snow

Sauron (The Lord of the Rings) vs Morgoth (The Silmarillion)

In a bizarre twist of fate (seeding was random) these two face off in round 1.  While Sauron definitely is the more well-known of the two (in popular culture, at least), Morgoth was the original Dark Lord.

Winner: Morgoth

Lestat de Lioncourt (The Vampire Chronicles) vs Bill Sikes (Oliver Twist)

Ann Rice lets Lestat walk the line between villain and antihero throughout her Vampire Chronicles.  Dickens, meanwhile, leaves no question as to Sikes' character: he is vicious and shows no remorse over his criminal actions or brutality towards Nancy (his girlfriend).

Winner: Bill Sikes

Agent Smith (The Matrix) vs Grand High Witch (The Witches)

The Grand High Witch's scheme to rid the world of children is twisted to say the least.  But this clip from the third Matrix movie shows Agent Smith's cold, sinister nihilism that defines so many great villains.

Winner: Agent Smith

Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars) vs Michael Myers (Halloween)

Palpatine seeks to rule the galaxy.  Betrayal, deception, and mass murder are all just part of the plan.  Michael Myers is a creepy and deranged killer but he does not compare to the Sith Lord Darth Sidious.

Winner: Emperor Palpatine

Capitán Vidal (Pan's Labyrinth) vs *SPOILER ALERT*Jack Torrance (The Shining)

There's just something... *SPOILER ALERT*There's just something about Jack Torrance in the Shining. So creepy in a way that is utterly entertaining. "Here's Johnny!"  Vidal is horrifically cruel in Pan's Labyrinth, but doesn't quite leave the same kind of lasting impression.

Winner: "The Shining" villain

Frank Underwood (House of Cards) vs Loki (Thor, The Avengers)

Underwood is ruthless when it comes to politics, and life: "For those of us climbing to the top of the food chain, there can be no mercy. There is but one rule: hunt or be hunted."  Loki also wishes to reach the top of the food chain, but his methods are even more ruthless and his end-goal of enslaving the entire human race goes beyond what Underwood is capable of.

Winner: Loki

Gozer / Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (Ghostbusters) vs Biff Tannen (Back to the Future)

Let's face it: Gozer is a fun villain.  A god with enormous amounts of power, and she lets you pick the form of your destroyer (in this case, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man)?  But Biff's wickedness is off the charts.  "Why don't you make like a tree, and get out of here."  Even if he wasn't the brightest.

Winner: Biff Tannen

Carrie (Carrie) vs John Doe (Se7en)

You can't help but feel a little bad for Carrie, at least at first.  All of the chaos (you know, her telekinetic rampage) was originally caused by mean high school bullying.  John Doe, though?  He is pure evil and believes he is actually doing God's work.

Winner: John Doe

Nurse Ratched (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) vs Tywinn Lannister (Game of Thrones)

My knowledge of Tywinn Lannister is somewhat limited, as I've only seen the first season of Game of Thrones.  But I do know that Nurse Ratched is a terrible, awful woman whose mistreatment of her patients crosses the boundaries of physical and severe emotional abuse.

Winner: Nurse Ratched

The Queen of Hearts (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland) vs Hans Gruber (Die Hard)

Hans Gruber will do anything to pull off his heist, even if it means killing innocent people under the guise of an act of terrorism.  The Queen of Hearts, however, often threatens people with the death penalty, but the executions are rarely carried out.

Winner: Hans Gruber

Samara Morgan (The Ring) vs Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Both characters rate high on the creepiness scale and kill numerous victims.  Samara goes after anyone who watches the haunted video and Freddy stalks the teenagers of Elm Street.  This one is a toss-up, but I think Samara has the slight edge due to her lack of motivation.  Why is she evil and why does she kill?  She just is and she just does.  At least Freddy has a tragic back-story (not that it justifies anything, but helps to understand).

Winner: Samara Morgan

The Joker (Batman, The Dark Knight) vs Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones)

Why so serious, Cersei?  Maybe because she knows she has no chance to match up with the likes of the Joker, who gleefully murders and creates chaos, just for fun.  Cersei can be manipulative and very cold, but it's not enough to move on to round 2 of the tournament.

Winner: The Joker

The Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) vs Darth Vader (Star Wars)

Another one that really isn't even close.  Sure, the Evil Queen's murder attempt on Snow White is admirable, but it pales in comparison to the dastardly deeds that Lord Vader commits on a regular basis.  Even if you're on his side, he might just use the force to choke you if you displease him or anger him in any way.

Winner: Darth Vader

Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th series) vs Buffalo Bill (The Silence of the Lambs)

Buffalo Bill kidnaps and kills women for their skin, so that he can create a "woman suit".  Sorry, Jason, you won't be moving on to round 2.

Winner: Buffalo Bill

Jafar (Aladdin) vs Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

Both are despicable, but Jafar's wicked deception - trying to steal the throne as an advisor to the Sultan - gives him the advantage.

Winner: Jafar

Severus Snape (Harry Potter) vs Ursula (The Little Mermaid)

Ursula makes a deal with Ariel, but when the mermaid gets too close to succeeding Ursula secretly sabotages the whole thing.  She's evil through and through, but for Snape... *SPOILER ALERT*but for Snape it's a little less clear.  Just when you think you have him pegged as a bona fide baddie (after he kills Dumbledore), you discover that he's been carrying out the Hogwarts Headmaster's wishes the whole time.

Winner: Ursula

Alex DeLarge (A Clockwork Orange) vs Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon)

Neither Alex nor Hannibal are good people, but Alex plays more of a role of antihero than villain.  Hannibal, on the other hand, is pure villain, and a deliciously evil one at that.

Winner: Hannibal Lecter

Emperor Commodus (Gladiator) vs Scar (The Lion King)

These two villains have an astonishing number of things in common.  Both claim the throne by killing off a weakened family member.  Both become tyrannical rulers while the protagonist is exiled.  And both are big fat cowards.  But it's Scar's underhandedness (trying to blame the hyenas), when he believes he has lost, that gives him the upper hand in this duel.

Winner: Scar

Lady Catherine de Bourgh (Pride and Prejudice) vs The White Witch (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)

Lady Catherine can be nasty, but she can't quite compete with the evil White Witch who reigns over Narnia.  100 years of winter and no Christmas!

Winner: The White Witch

Jigsaw (Saw) vs *SPOILER ALERT*Norman Bates (Psycho)

Upset alert!  The mentally unstable killer in "Psycho" is a classic villain, but Jigsaw just might have what it takes to win this one.  His twisted world views makes him an intriguing character and his unconventional methods turn this match-up extra interesting.

Winner: Jigsaw

Pazuzu (The Exorcist) vs Magneto (X-Men)

Sure, Magneto can control metal.  But can he do this?

or this?

or even begin to attempt to do this?

Winner: Pazuzu

*SPOILER ALERT*Amy Dunne (Gone Girl) vs Chucky (Child's Play)

Chucky may be an evil killer trapped in a doll, but to be honest this one is really not even close. In "Gone Girl"...*SPOILER ALERT*In "Gone Girl", Amy Dunne constructs an elaborate web of lies, cemented by carefully fabricated evidence designed to utterly destroy people.  She does it multiple times, whenever she feels slighted or just annoyed by somebody.  The amount of work she puts into these schemes that result in someone's life being ruined is... mind boggling.

Winner: "Gone Girl" villain

Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter) vs Terminator (The Terminator)

Umbridge tries to make you think that she's a nice little lady, while in reality she is vicious and cruel. Maybe that's why I think she's about 100 times worse than the Terminator, who doesn't try to hide his motives.  It's also worth mentioning that the Terminator is programmed to be evil.  What's Umbridge's excuse?

Winner: Dolores Umbridge

The Phantom (The Phantom of the Opera) vs *SPOILER ALERT*HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)

Another antihero (The Phantom) can't quite go toe-to-toe with a true villain... *SPOILER ALERT*a true villain (HAL 9000).  What starts as a nice space trip turns into a nightmare when the sadistic on-flight computer goes rogue and starts locking the humans out in space.  Bad AI!  Bad!

Winner: "2001: A Space Odyssey" villain

T-1000 (Terminator 2) vs The Wicked Stepmother (Cinderella)

I'm not sure why, but the T-1000 just seemed a lot meaner than the original Terminator.  Don't get me wrong, the Wicked Stepmother was indeed wicked, especially towards Cinderella, but did she ever do something like this?

Winner: T-1000

Dexter Morgan (Dexter) vs Petyr Baelish / Littlefinger (Game of Thrones)

Dexter is just too darn nice.  Sure, he kills people, but only other murderers.  By contrast, Littlefinger is not a nice guy at all.

Winner: Littlefinger

Benjamin Linus (Lost) vs Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)

Both attempt to own and control those around them, but Potter gets the nod because of his sinister greed.

Winner: Mr. Potter

Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians) vs Count Dracula (Dracula)

I just keep thinking about those adorable puppies and what Cruella De Vil was going to do to them.  Dracula is a staple villain, but the "Cruel Devil" has the upper hand in this match-up.

Winner: Druella De Vil

Vigo the Carpathian (Ghostbusters II) vs Joffrey Baratheon (Game of Thrones)

Vigo is not exactly a likable guy, but Joffrey is just so hateable.  Everyone can agree to enjoy loathing Joffrey.

Winner: Joffrey Baratheon

The Governor (The Walking Dead) vs Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter)

This is a brutal first-round match-up.  Both are heinous villains who murder and lie to gain power.  It could go either way, but I think the Governor wins by a nose.

Winner: The Governor

Gustavo Fring (Breaking Bad) vs The Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)

The Wicked Witch of the West just has too much star-power to succumb to Gus.  "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"

Winner: The Wicked Witch of the West

The Bracket

After the first round, here's what the bracket looks like:

* - denotes a villain's name that was removed to avoid spoilers.  To see the real name, find the matching entry in the list of match-ups above and click the *SPOILER ALERT* link (only if you've already read or seen the book/movie/show or don't mind spoilers)

March Badness

Everybody loves a good villain.  The kind that gives you chills or makes you curse their name, but you enjoy every second of it.  But who is the baddest of the baddies?  I've compiled a list of the foulest, most vile and despicable characters from books, movies, and television.  I've randomly seeded all 64 of them in order to pit them against one another in a single-elimination tournament to try to crown a victor: the evilest of the evil.  Of course, it's worth mentioning that this is all subjective.  The initial selection is limited by my knowledge of literature, the big screen, and the small screen.  Each round, I will determine the winner of each match-up and announce the remaining contenders (in parallel with the NCAA men's basketball tournament).  This is also (obviously) subjective, and that's why I invite anyone who is interested to join in the fun and fill out a bracket of your own and share it if you wish.  My only request is that if you share your bracket or comment on my selections, that you be mindful of spoilers.  I've done my best to try to hide any spoilers in my write-ups of the villains, including even hiding the names of villains in the case that the character's very presence on this list would spoil something.  With that said, let the badness begin!

The Contenders

President Snow (The Hunger Games)

Forcing children to fight to the death was more than enough to earn the ruthless ruler of Panem a spot in the tournament.  All the other evil stuff he's done is just icing on the cake.

Gollum (The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings)

Sometimes I feel torn between wanting to run away from and wanting to hug the disfigured little guy.  And then he gets that look in his eyes... "My preciousss..."  Yep.  Run away.  Definitely want to run away.

Sauron (The Lord of the Rings)

Even after his body was destroyed, he was still able to cause plenty of death and destruction across Middle-earth as a big flaming eye-thing.

Morgoth (The Silmarillion)

Remember that Sauron guy? Meet his master.

Lestat de Lioncourt (The Vampire Chronicles)

Forget about Edward - real vampires don't sparkle.  Lestat is a real vampire and a real villain, turning those he loves into vampires.

Bill Sikes (Oliver Twist)

Arguably Charles Dickens's cruelest character; there is no crime too big for Sikes.

Agent Smith (The Matrix)

"Never send a human to do a machine's job."  Especially if that job involves being a cold-hearted killer.

Grand High Witch (The Witches)

Her mission: eliminate all children.

Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars)

Pure evil.  Let the hate flow through you indeed.

Michael Myers (Halloween)

Killed his sister when he was only 6.  And that was just the beginning.

Capitán Vidal (Pan's Labyrinth)

This guy makes Pale Man, a freakish beast (from the same movie) that tries to devour children, look cute and cuddly.

*SPOILER ALERT*Jack Torrance (The Shining)

"All work and... *SPOILER ALERT*"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."  Jack is not a dull boy.

Frank Underwood (House of Cards)

A power-hungry politician who is willing to do anything to reach the top.  What's not to like?

Loki (Thor, The Avengers)

This powerful prince of Asgard is so nice, he's willing to rid humans of those pesky freedoms.

Gozer / Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (Ghostbusters)

Death by marshmallows.  What else needs to be said?

Biff Tannen (Back to the Future)

Super-creep Biff is a jerk in the past, present, and future.

Carrie (Carrie)

Just don't piss her off... Trust me.

John Doe (Se7en)

"What's in the... *SPOILER ALERT*"What's in the box?!" Oh, just your wife's head, that's all.

Nurse Ratched (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)

Don't let her appearance or profession fool you.  Ratched is as heartless and cruel as anyone in this tournament.

Tywinn Lannister (Game of Thrones)

Head of the despicable Lannister House.  You know he's not a good guy.

The Queen of Hearts (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

"Off with their heads!"

Hans Gruber (Die Hard)

When terrorism is just a front for your real motives (stealing millions for personal gain), you know you're a bad guy.

Samara Morgan (The Ring)

No further explanation necessary.

Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Keeps kids awake at night like it's his job.

The Joker (Batman, The Dark Knight)

This psychotic killer doesn't just "introduce a little anarchy." Whether you prefer Jack Nicholson or Heath Ledger, everyone can agree that this classic Batman villain is as twisted as they come.

Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones)

Bitter, cold, and just plain despicable at times.

The Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)

She tries to murder her stepdaughter because she's now "the fairest in the land".  Sounds reasonable.

Darth Vader (Star Wars)

It's Darth Vader.

Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th series)

The dude just doesn't die.  The same can't be said for those who cross him.

Buffalo Bill (The Silence of the Lambs)

He's the bad guy in a movie that also features Hannibal Lecter.  That should tell you everything you need to know.

Jafar (Aladdin)

Just one look and you know the man is evil.

Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

He's the enemy of childhood, adulthood embodied.  What could be worse than that?

Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

Sure, in the... *SPOILER ALERT*Sure, in the end you learn that he's one of the good guys, but for a while everyone hated his guts, and for good reason.

Ursula (The Little Mermaid)

Oh, she'll help you (sort of), but if you can't pay, she'll turn you into a polyp and plant you in her garden.

Alex DeLarge (A Clockwork Orange)

He's always up for "a bit of the old ultraviolence".

Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon)

There's just something about him...  He can send chills down your spine just by saying something completely ordinary.  Also, he eats people.

Emperor Commodus (Gladiator)

He murdered his father so that he could be Emperor and then tried to kill anyone who wouldn't pledge loyalty to him.  All in all a nice guy.

Scar (The Lion King)

This classic Disney villain betrays his brother by killing him, so he could claim the throne.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh (Pride and Prejudice)

Such high class, such meanness.

The White Witch (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)

She cast the land of Narnia into an endless winter.  It makes me shiver just thinking about it.

Jigsaw (Saw)

He finds creative ways to force people to inflict enormous amounts of pain upon themselves.  But don't worry, it will make you better appreciate life... If you live.

*SPOILER ALERT*Norman Bates (Psycho)

Gave a whole... *SPOILER ALERT*Gave a whole new meaning to the term "mommy issues".

Pazuzu (The Exorcist)

This demon possesses a young girl and does horrible, terrible things.

Magneto (X-Men)

He may play nice with the heroes of the X-Men occasionally, if it suits his purposes.  But his ultimate goal is to rid the world of normal humans and anyone else who stands in his way.

*SPOILER ALERT*Amy Dunne (Gone Girl) - DO NOT CLICK UNLESS YOU HAVE READ THE BOOK OR SEEN THE MOVIE

It's not entirely clear who the antagonist is until pretty far into the book.  And then it becomes very, very clear.  This character is the greatest villain you've never heard of.  Unless you've read the book - then you're nodding along, thinking "yes, oh, yes indeed".

Chucky (Child's Play)

A doll that comes to life and kills people?  Welcome to the tournament.

Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter)

She seems sweet and proper, but beneath that pink cardigan is a nasty, evil woman.

Terminator (The Terminator)

He's a killing machine, literally.

The Phantom (The Phantom of the Opera)

Kidnapping is OK if done out of love, right? Right???

*SPOILER ALERT*HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)

Another classic example... *SPOILER ALERT*Another classic example of evil AI.  "I'm sorry, Dave.  I'm afraid I can't do that."

T-1000 (Terminator 2)

The upgraded version of the Terminator from the first movie, he's even more brutal and ruthless than the original.

The Wicked Stepmother (Cinderella)

She's mean, just because.

Dexter Morgan (Dexter)

He's actually a pretty nice guy, if you ignore the fact that he's a serial killer.

Petyr Baelish / Littlefinger (Game of Thrones)

Despicable and underhanded, he can't be trusted for a second.

Benjamin Linus (Lost)

Deceit, lies, and murder, all in a day's work for Ben Linus.

Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)

Greedy and despicably vile.  "You're worth more dead than alive."

Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians)

How could anyone hurt a cute little puppy?  This wretched woman tries to do more than that after kidnapping the dalmatians for their fur.

Count Dracula (Dracula)

The original bloodsucker.  "I saw... Count Dracula... with red light of triumph in his eyes, and with a smile that Judas in hell might be proud of."

Vigo the Carpathian (Ghostbusters II)

He's about as charming as a river of slime.

Joffrey Baratheon (Game of Thrones)

Ever wonder what would happen if you give a bratty little kid way too much power?  Bad things, that's what.

The Governor (The Walking Dead)

The vicious and manipulative Governor knows how to hold a grudge... seriously.

Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter)

Many didn't dare to speak his name, even years after he was believed dead.  That's power.

Gustavo Fring (Breaking Bad)

Don't mess with Gus.

The Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard of Oz)

Her minions are evil flying monkeys!

The Bracket

Download here (I suggest using landscape orientation if you wish to print a hard copy).

* - denotes a villain's name that was removed to avoid spoilers.  To see the real name, find the matching entry in the list of contenders above and click the *SPOILER ALERT* link (only if you've already read or seen the book/movie/show or don't mind spoilers)

The SEC Super-Strength of Schedule Argument: Why you shouldn't believe it

It's a term I coined myself, but you've probably heard the argument before.  It goes something like this:  The SEC is so tough that the teams that come out of SEC league play with a certain number of losses are better than teams from other conferences with the same record.  Basically, their teams are awarded extra credit just for playing in the SEC.  This inevitably leads to a conclusion that can be used to degrade any non-SEC team's record (no matter how impressive).  The absurd assertion is this: If Team A played in the SEC, they would have finished with X losses (X being greater than the actual number of losses the team suffered).  This is a ridiculous hypothetical, and a lazy argument that would not fly for any other conference, but for some reason it is deemed OK when used to tout SEC superiority.

You might think this kind of talk would have died down, given the Southeastern Conference's recent struggles in big bowl games (0 - 5 in BCS and New Year's Six Bowls in the last two years).  But alas, it has not.  At least not for the folks at ESPN.  Folks like Chris Low, who recently wrote a whiny article that claimed that the tough SEC schedule, ie SEC teams "beating up on each other", prevents more than one team from the mighty conference from making the playoffs (ludicrous!).  I won't delve into the details of the insipid puff piece, except to point out one section which proves that the laughable argument of SEC super-strength of schedule is alive and well.

Low first admits that Ohio State was indeed the best team in the country (thanks but no thanks - there's already a trophy in Columbus that tells us that).  But he follows that up with the question: "Now, could they have navigated their way through the SEC with just one loss and even been in position to make the playoff?"  He doesn't answer it except to say "That’s a story for a different day".  This is almost worst than coming right out and saying what he's implying, because he hides behind the guise of a rhetorical question.  He appears to only be playing devil's advocate, but by doing so perpetuates the idea that nobody is anybody unless they play in the "big, bad SEC".  We know exactly what he is actually saying though, and it's ridiculous.  The Buckeyes beat Alabama, the SEC champ, on a neutral field in a game much more lopsided than the final score suggested - they would have been fine in the SEC.  My point is not to parade Ohio State though, but to debunk this lame excuse for an argument and prevent it from being applied to any team.  And when an ESPN writer is claiming that a clear-cut National Champion wouldn't have even made the playoffs if they played in the SEC, it's obvious it needs debunking.

Let me start by giving the SEC its due.  I'm sure it wasn't easy winning six straight BCS championships (sorry, Alabama over fellow SEC member LSU in 2012 doesn't count when comparing conference accolades).  And in most regards, they have been the most impressive conference over the past 10 years.  But does this warrant the kind of claim that Chris Low and countless others make about the supreme dominance of the SEC?  No.  Let me explain why.

The thing with this argument is it's extremely lazy.  So lazy.  Did I mention it's lazy?  It needs no evidence or supporting facts because there are none.  It's purely hypothetical.  Ohio State does not play in the SEC, will never join the SEC, and even if they did, we can't go back in time and see how they would have done in a particular season as a member of the SEC.  The next best thing would be to see how some other teams would do if they joined the SEC and compare the before and after.  If only such a thing had happened recently...

Wait a second!  Texas A&M and Missouri left the Big 12 to join the SEC in 2012.  Let's take a look at how they fared.

At first glance, a couple of things stand out.  Most notably for the Aggies was their victory over powerhouse Alabama in their first year.  They nearly did it again in their second year.  Missouri, on the other hand, struggled in their first year but won the SEC East in their second and third years in the conference.  Let's take a closer look at the numbers:

Performance before and after joining SEC, over last 6 seasons

	Overall Record (win %)	Conference Record (win %)
Texas A&M, in Big 12	22 - 17 (56.4%)	13 - 13 (50.0%)
Texas A&M, in SEC	28 - 11 (71.8%)	13 - 11 (54.2%)
Missouri, in Big 12	26 - 13 (66.7%)	15 - 10 (60.0%)
Missouri, in SEC	28 - 12 (70.0%)	16 - 10 (61.5%)

As you can see, both teams' overall records and win percentage didn't decline but actually improved slightly since joining the SEC.  If SEC super-strength of schedule was a real thing, wouldn't you expect to see a sharp decline after new teams joined (particularly in conference records)?  That's exactly what this nonsense argument suggests, but it didn't happen (in fact, I could draw the conclusion from these numbers that the SEC is easier than the Big 12! imagine that!).  Now, SEC proponents would have you believe that after joining the new conference they were made magically better just by being part of the SEC.  This is, of course, utter nonsense.  It is plainly clear that these two teams were decent before joining the SEC and are still decent.  They did not automatically lose a bunch more games after joining the conference.  Nor did they become national powerhouses.

Their identities are constant.  Missouri is a team that can win its division with some consistency, doing so in the Big 12 (titles in 2007, 2008, and 2010) and the SEC (titles in 2013 and 2014), but can't seem to make that extra leap to conference champion (0 conference championships in the Big 12 or SEC).  Texas A&M is a team with ups and downs that can occasionally knock off teams at the top of the conference, whether it's in the Big 12 (Oklahoma and Nebraska in 2010 - teams that later played for the conference championship) or the SEC (eventual conference champion Alabama in 2012). But the Aggies rarely reach the championship game themselves (last conference championship appearance was in 1998).

So, please, stop with the madness.  Ohio State would have been fine playing in the SEC this year and most years.  And same goes for other top teams from the Big Ten, Pac-12, Big 12, and ACC.  Mid level teams?  They would still be middle-of-the-pack in the SEC.  Conference doormats would still be doormats.

The SEC has been at the top of the college football world, particularly in the second half of the BCS era.  But the idea that other teams would fall apart if they had to play an SEC schedule is absurd.  The argument of SEC super-strength of schedule needs to be put to rest.  It should have been buried along with the BCS, but it wasn't.  It's not too late to get the shovels back out.

College Football 2014 Season Recap

1. The SEC will get two teams into the inaugural College Football Playoffs, but neither team will win the championship

I was right that an SEC team would not win the championship this year, but Alabama was the conference's only team in the playoffs.  Mississippi State was the other SEC team with a shot at the final four, until they lost to Ole Miss in the Egg Bowl.  I still think Ohio State would have gotten the fourth seed even if the Bulldogs won that game, because of the Buckeyes' complete domination of Wisconsin in the Big Ten Championship.  And looking at postseason results, it clearly would have been the right call.  After going through a season with the new system, it appears that it may be harder than anticipated for a single conference to earn two playoff berths, especially with the SEC's decline and the weight given to league championships.

2. Florida State misses the playoffs and Jameis Winston does not repeat as Heisman winner

Another one that I got half right.  Winston finished way down at sixth in Heisman voting after having a significantly worse season than last year, statistically speaking.  But in terms of record, they were right where I didn't think they would be at the end of the year: 13 - 0 and in the playoffs.  It wasn't until they faced Oregon in the Rose Bowl did they finally lose, but boy was it ugly.

3. By the end of the season, at least three fan-bases will be calling for the heads of the members of the newly established college football playoff selection committee

Baylor coach Art Briles is still talking about missing the playoffs (despite losing to Michigan State in the Cotton Bowl).  The folks in Fort Worth?  They're likely still lamenting TCU's drop from 3 to 6 in the committee's final rankings.  And 11th ranked Kansas State probably wasn't thrilled about playing in the Alamo Bowl while 12th ranked Georgia Tech and 20th ranked Boise State played in the Orange and Fiesta Bowls, respectively (though technically, the committee was obligated to send those two teams to New Year's Six bowls).  Basically every Big 12 fan was unhappy with the playoff committee.  Florida State fans were grumpy too after being dropped in the rankings throughout the season despite winning week after week (though they didn't have much to complain about after getting thumped by Oregon).  So I'd say this prediction was accurate.

4. Ball State goes undefeated, but their weak schedule keeps them out of the playoffs

I was way off on this one.  I have to wonder if their season would have been different had they pulled off the upset over Iowa in week 2.  But the Cardinals let a 10 point lead slip away in the last 3 minutes of the game and it was all downhill after that.  Ball State finished 5 - 7, not even bowl eligible.  In hindsight, Marshall would have been the team to peg to go undefeated and miss the playoffs this year, but even they ended up with one loss before all was said and done.

5. For the the third straight year, a Freshman wins the Heisman

The three Heisman finalists were all Juniors, including Heisman winner Marcus Mariota.  J.T. Barrett received the most votes of any Freshman and finished fifth on the list.  He might have ended up higher (or at least been invited to New York) if he hadn't injured his ankle against Michigan, though the trophy still would have undoubtedly gone to Mariota.  Maybe next year another youngster will win it?  Or perhaps voters saw how things turned out after giving the award to Manziel and Winston and realized the Heisman is about more than just football stats and are now more reluctant to give it to underclassmen (not to say Barrett or another Freshman wouldn't have handled the success more gracefully).

2014 Season record: 1 - 4
Overall record: 37 - 58

My guesses were right about 38% of the time this year, which isn't that bad considering they were bold predictions (emphasis on the bold).  Still, I hope to do better next season.

Other headlines from the 2014 season:

Ohio State proves doubters wrong, looks ahead to 2015 season with high hopes amid quarterback quandary

This year, we learned to never underestimate the underdog.  The Buckeyes made the mistake first, falling to Virginia Tech in week 2.  Then, they got better.  But they were still supposed to lose to Michigan State.  They didn't.  They made it to the Big Ten Championship but lost their Heisman-candidate quarterback for the second time - surely they wouldn't stand a chance against Wisconsin with a third string QB in his first career start.  They won 59 - 0 and held Melvin Gordon to 76 yards.  With the win, they catapulted into the final four, jumping TCU and barely edging out Baylor.  But Alabama would blow them out and that would be the end of it.  They beat Alabama.  Except, they didn't just beat them.  They did things to a Saban-coached Crimson Tide defense that had never been done before.  Elliott had 230 rushing yards, a Sugar Bowl record and the most given up by Alabama since 2000.  They dominated the line of scrimmage and looked faster and tougher than the SEC champs in a 42 - 35 win.  Then came the championship against Oregon.  There was no way they could keep up with Heisman winner Mariota and the high-flying Ducks' offense, right?  But they did that and more, holding Oregon to only 20 points and putting up 42 points themselves, despite 4 turnovers.  It was a statement win if there ever was one.  After an impressive finish to the season, I think it's safe to say that the Ohio State defense has earned the nickname that I have been reluctant to call them since Tressel left.  The Silver Bullets are back.

With the championship win, all eyes will be on Ohio State next season as they try to repeat.  They will have the talent and experience to pull it off, with most of this year's starters primed to return.  Most notably, all three of their Heisman-caliber quarterbacks might be back.  So, the big question will be: who will be the starter if all three are back and healthy?  Do they go with Braxton Miller, two-time Big Ten offensive player of the year?  Miller has much more experience and is the most dynamic runner of the bunch, but there are legitimate concerns about his throwing ability, especially given the two injuries to his shoulder.  Or do they start J.T. Barrett, the young leader who smashed record after record this season after taking over for Miller?  Barrett has great accuracy and is skilled at reading defenses, but doesn't have the arm strength of Jones or the elusiveness of Miller.  Lastly, there's Cardale Jones, the hero nobody outside of Columbus saw coming, who stepped in and won three championships in his first three starts.  Jones has a cannon for an arm and can bulldoze defenders, but isn't quite as accurate as Barrett or as speedy as either of his colleagues.  Honestly, I don't think there is a wrong choice here.  Let's just say I will not envy the Ohio State coaching staff when it finally comes time to make a decision.  No matter who they go with, the Buckeyes will be a force to be reckoned with in 2015.

Coaching changes in the Big Ten

There is always shuffling among the staffs of college football teams across the nation at the end of each season, and this year was no different.  But no other conference seemed to have quite so many big changes as the Big Ten.  Nebraska let head coach Bo Pelini go, after he failed to attain the level of success the Cornhuskers were after.  This comes as a bit of a surprise at first glance, as Pelini consistently notched around 8 or 9 wins each season, but looking deeper, that was in itself part of the problem.  He could never quite get that 11th or 12th win at Nebraska, and really struggled in big games against quality opponents.  More surprising was Gary Anderson's departure from Wisconsin, as he took a job at Oregon State.  That was a bit of a head-scratcher, but Wisconsin rebounded well with a solid hire of former offensive coordinator Paul Chryst.  There were other moves among the top Big Ten teams, such as Ohio State OC Tom Herman leaving to take a head-coaching job at Houston, and Michigan State DC Pat Narduzzi taking the reins at Pittsburgh.  But the move that made the biggest splash was Michigan's hire of Jim Harbaugh.  There is no denying Harbaugh's resume, as he wins everywhere he goes.  The bigger concern for the Wolverines should be his personality, as he has been known to rub people the wrong way and never seems to stay put at one place for very long.  Regardless, things should be interesting in the Big Ten next year, with all the new faces.

Nick Saban in a Luigi hat

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College Football National Championship Recap

1. Ohio State defeats Oregon, takes home 8th national title

The Buckeyes did exactly what they couldn't do against Oregon, turning the ball over 4 times.  And yet, they still beat the Ducks and did it in impressive fashion.  The defense really stepped up, especially in the red zone - something they had struggled with all year, and that kept the -3 turnover margin (-4 until the last play of the game) from hurting Ohio State too much.  The Buckeyes won the game in the trenches, with strong play on both the offensive and defensive lines, and just seemed too physical for Oregon.  Ohio State's 42 - 20 victory capped what was arguably the best postseason performance by any team in college football history.  The Buckeyes beat #13, #1, and #2 by a combined score of 143 - 55.  Of course, with conference championships still being relatively new and playoffs being brand new, this kind of postseason was not really even possible until this year.  Still, you can't deny how impressive Ohio State looked in these three games.

2. Ezekiel Elliott eclipses 200 rushing yards for third straight game

He did it again.  Elliott not only topped 200 rushing yards, he set a new career high.  With 246 yards and 4 touchdowns against the Ducks, it means that in the three game stretch against Wisconsin, Alabama, and Oregon, the sophomore running back had 696 yards on 76 carries (an insane 9.1 yards-per-carry) and 8 touchdowns.  Cardale Jones was the unlikely hero who stepped in at the toughest part of the season and surprised everyone, but Elliott was the one who carried this team on his back when they needed it most.  Of course, the success of both wouldn't have been possible without the offensive line's outstanding play, as they showed incredible improvement over the course of the season, and ended up being one of the best units in the nation.

3. One or both teams score 21 or more unanswered points

Ohio State had two such runs, as they answered Oregon's opening touchdown drive with 21 straight points.  The Ducks rallied back to make it a one point game, but the Buckeyes finished with another 21 unanswered points.

4. Ducks and Bucks combine for 90+ points in shootout

Both offenses seemed like they could move the ball fairly well early on, but were stopping themselves - Ohio State with turnovers and Oregon with dropped passes.  Eventually, though, Ohio State's offense got going while Oregon's continued to sputter.  Buckeyes scored 42 but Oregon's season-low 20 points (which was less than half their per-game average) made this prediction a bust.

5.  The color (or lack thereof) of Oregon's uniforms is mentioned twice or more during the broadcast

There actually wasn't much said about Oregon's uniforms, despite the fact that they lacked any of the school's colors.


National Championship record: 3 - 2

Overall record: 36 - 54

Other headlines from the National Championship:

This catch

Urban Meyer promises tattoo

The Ohio State head coach provided a little extra incentive to the Buckeyes by promising to get a tattoo if they beat the Ducks in the championship.  With the win, the only question now is what and where.  A Block O sounds like a strong possibility.

How many championships is it now?

You know you're a successful head coach when your wife forgets how many national championships you've won.  Also, please take note of cornerbacks coach Kerry Coombs in the top left, who looks like how every Ohio State fan felt Monday night.  You may also remember Coombs as the guy who wore a short sleeve shirt to the Minnesota game.